January is half way over already! I'm in the process of reviewing all the many email accounts and blogs that I manage, and I'm going to minimize my stress by reducing the number of things that I'm trying to track. Since my other blog at kiyowaraDOTtypepadDOTcom is much easier for me to load pictures to and access from my iphone, I'll be doing most of my blogging from there. Please stop in and say, "Hi!" I will still be checking this account every week or so, so if you message me here, not to worry I will pick it up, though it make take me a few days to get back to you. If you want a little more frequent updates from me, look for me on Facebook where I often post a couple of times per day.
I hope this year is a good one for all of us, filled with growth and Joy.
The new secular year is upon us. The holiday celebrations were lovely, but I feel glad to be back in the regular routines again. It's not quite back to what passes for normal at my house just yet as we will have houseguests until Sunday, but the visiting is lovely even if I am struggling to maintain my Practice space and get my regular work done. It's okay as the challenge is a good one and I am, for the most part, succeeding.
May 2010 bring us all into greater communion with the Divine force of the Universe.
I feel content, for the most part, about how Yule went. I am preparing for New Year's. It's a little weird since my personal new year's was Samhain, so I'm a little confused about this whole secular New Year this year. Nonetheless, T commented with a rye grin that New Year's Eve is a Full Moon this year...AND we're in the middle of Mercury in Retrograde! Did I mention that I am born under one of the two sun signs most negatively impacted by Mercury in Retrograde?
I hope we all have a safe and peaceful New Year's. Stay off the roads and be with those you love.
So, having switched project tracking mechanisms three times this year, lost track of two of them, and having the third fail in a corrupted file kind of way, I give up. This year I won't know exactly how many projects I've completed, how far behind I am, or any of the rest of it. I'll start fresh with a new system as of January 1.
There. I feel better now!
This has certainly been an interesting year, really fabulous in places and really difficult in others, often having those two states overlap. I'm not sure what I'm looking for in the year to come. I have said in the past that I wish things would either slow down or be boring for a while, but I know now that neither of those things are actually true for me. That was really hard to accept. I LIKE my life, all the good, bad, and the beautiful. It really is all beautiful, even if I don't have supreme enjoyment of all of it. There is still this Joy that runs through it all, and that Joy sustains me.
It is that Joy for which I long, yearn with all my spirit. I have battled the Demon Shame about my yearning; I was taught to be ashamed for wishing to feel that current, Ananda, the Joy without which life would cease to exist. I was taught be ashamed of yearning for Life, for Love.
I reclaim that Joy, now, right now. I want all of you to do the same. And when you have fallen back into that place where we try to refuse Life, then remember and return, always return; there is no penalty, only Joy to be found.
I hope we all find Joy in this season of celebrating Light.
In grace we rest
when we bow our heads
and seek solace
from an inner source
We grow our best
when we lift our heads
and allow our light
to outward course
I finished up yet another round of divorce paperwork; hopefully, this is the last round. It's very frustrating that he and I are in complete agreement, we just can't seem to get the right paperwork to the court. *sigh*
I am increasingly convinced that there is a real difference between Honesty and Truth, and that the latter is a personal matter defined individually. Honesty, doused firmly in Honor, is healing and healthy. Truth can easily be a bludgeon from one person to another. When I dance the Pentacle of Autonomy, Truth is symbolized my upraised hand with the palm facing me, the way I would hold up a mirror to myself. My mirror reflects my Truth. My Truth is for me, and doesn't really apply to anyone else. I can, however, be honest with those around me about my feelings and motivations, about where I am in a given moment.
Sometimes growth is frustrating. I am in a period of rapid and deep growth, and I find myself having a very hard time having compassion for myself. I wonder sometimes how I can teach when I seem to have to so little patience, especially with myself.
Last week I was supposed to chant for 5 minutes per day. That seemed a simple assignment, but it was apparently more or less beyond my ability to commit to. I love to chant, but I do not really enjoy chanting just a name and that was the assignment. I'm not sure what exactly was/is driving my resistance, but I felt like the proverbial horse - you could drag me to water, but I certainly couldn't make myself drink.
New week, new work, and new Work...some of the Work I need to will rock my foundations, and I'm not happy about it. Oh wait, I don't have strong foundations to begin with! That's what I'm working on right now: building foundations to replace the crumbling and dysfunctional foundations of my childhood, new structures that will take me forward from this point, here and now.